Monday, 13 February 2017

Learning to Like My Own Company

For as long as I can remember I've been an extrovert, never particularly loud or self-absorbed (as the stereotype seems to go) but an extrovert all the same. I think there are a lot of misconceptions floating about when it comes to what it means to be an extrovert, just as there are about what it means to be an introvert. People always assume that you’re kind of shallow, that you love the sound of your own voice more than anything, and that you’re the life and soul of any party 24/7. For some people this may be absolutely true, but not so much for me.

All it really means for me is that I feel my best when I’m interacting with another people. I love small talk in huge groups at parties but I love having really meaningful conversations with a handful of my very favourite people. I love talking, I love listening and I can’t concentrate in silent libraries. I always have the TV on when I'm in on my own for 'company' and I always sleep with my window open so I can hear the cars go past outside. I feel the most myself when I’m not by myself, which means that I generally really struggle when it comes to spending time on my own. 

Back when I was at college/university I had a part time job, a lot of different hobbies, and an equal number of different friendship groups because being on my own for any length of time made me feel restless and on edge. I know a lot of people don't look back too fondly on their time in education, but the almost constant interaction college and university provided was pretty much a dream for me. Post university life, on the other hand, has proven very different, and something that I'm still learning to cope with. Over the past three years, I've gone from living in a house with 7 other girls (exactly my kind of madness) to living in a flat with Marc nearly 200 miles away from everyone I know. 

Don't get me wrong I love finally being able to live with Marc, but because our schedules don't always match up, and because I don't have any IRL friends here, the amount of 'me time' I find myself with is sometimes kind of overwhelming. While I hope my current situation won't persist forever, I miss girly chat over a cuppa like you wouldn't believe, I still think it's important that I make an effort to feel better in my own company anyway. After all, there are always, always, going to be days or even weeks I find myself on my own. 

This week being a prime example! I'm on half term holiday but Marc's still at work. I'm planning on filling my time with lots of blogging, some wandering into town, some reading and maybe even some painting. When I'm in on my own I always tend to fall back into scrolling on Instagram or twitter for hours without contributing anything, or binge-watching a series that I'm not actually that interested in because it's easy. But I think part of learning to enjoy spending time by myself might be understanding that I'm worth the effort of more than easy. It doesn't matter if its just me, I'm worth taking some time to cook well and I'm worth getting dressed and popping into town just for some air and that little feeling of accomplishment. 

I spoke a while ago about wanting to take myself on a solo date or two and I'll be honest it's still not something I've managed, but tomorrow is valentines day, right? So maybe while Marc's at work during the day I should take myself on a valentines date. I could take myself off to a coffee shop to do some blogging, leave my phone in my bag, and maybe even treat myself to a cake to go with my cuppa. After all, as I will keep trying my hardest to remember, I'm worth it all on my own. 

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